eslHQ Home
User Name Password
Lost Password? | Join eslHQ.com, it's FREE!
View today's posts
Search Extras Help   

Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Unread Mar 22nd, 2009, 01:54 am
eslHQ Enthusiast
 
Join Date: Mar 12th, 2009
Location: Iran
Posts: 33
majid72 is on a distinguished road
Default please check the text

Hello

Could someone check the sentence?

staffs of a bank were taken by surprise from their boss‘s recent action.
The story goes that having sold his shares/stocks; the boss distributed the revenue among his staffs. He earned 60 million dollars by selling his shares and distributed it among his present 399 employees and former 72 ones. In an interview with reporters, he recalled that he had always wished to appreciate his good and honest employees somehow and he got the chance by selling the shares.
A former employee of the bank said: I retired seven years ago and due to my financial problems, the sum of money made me feel very happy.

Thanks a lot.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Unread Mar 22nd, 2009, 12:21 pm
Sue
 
Join Date: Oct 8th, 2006
Location: Milan
Posts: 1,406
susan53 is on a distinguished road
Default Re: please check the text

Here it is corrected - if there's anything that's not clear, ask.

The staff of a bank were taken by surprise by their boss‘s recent action.
The story goes* that having sold his sticks and shares, the boss distributed the revenue among his staff. He earned 60 million dollars by selling his shares and distributed the money among the current 399 employees and 72 former ones. In an interview with reporters, he said that he had always wished to show his appreciation of his good and honest employees in some way and he got the chance by selling the shares.
A former employee of the bank said, "I retired seven years ago and, as I had financial problems, the sum of money made me feel very happy".

- Notice that staff is a collective, plural noun. It doesn't need an s
- The story goes - this suggests that you're not guaranteeing it's true. Is this what you want to say?
- somehow was not grammatically incorrect, but it's informal, and "clashed" with wished which is formal
__________________
An ELT Notebook
The DELTA Course
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Unread Mar 22nd, 2009, 01:57 pm
eslHQ Enthusiast
 
Join Date: Mar 12th, 2009
Location: Iran
Posts: 33
majid72 is on a distinguished road
Default Re: please check the text

Quote:
Quote susan53 View Post
Here it is corrected - if there's anything that's not clear, ask.

The staff of a bank were taken by surprise by their boss‘s recent action.
The story goes* that having sold his sticks and shares, the boss distributed the revenue among his staff. He earned 60 million dollars by selling his shares and distributed the money among the current 399 employees and 72 former ones. In an interview with reporters, he said that he had always wished to show his appreciation of his good and honest employees in some way and he got the chance by selling the shares.
A former employee of the bank said, "I retired seven years ago and, as I had financial problems, the sum of money made me feel very happy".

- Notice that staff is a collective, plural noun. It doesn't need an s
- The story goes - this suggests that you're not guaranteeing it's true. Is this what you want to say?
- somehow was not grammatically incorrect, but it's informal, and "clashed" with wished which is formal
Hello DEAR susan53 Thank you very much for your help.
What other sentence do you think fits properly for "the story goes that " ?

Regards.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Unread Mar 23rd, 2009, 01:48 am
Sue
 
Join Date: Oct 8th, 2006
Location: Milan
Posts: 1,406
susan53 is on a distinguished road
Default Re: please check the text

Whoops sorry - I've just seen a typing mistake - it's stocks and shares not sticks and shares - though in the current economic climate maybe there's not much difference

Instead of "the story goes", I'd expand the information you give: The boss, who had shares in the company, decide to sell them and to distribute the revenue ... etc
You don't need an introductory phrase - English tends to go straight to the point.
__________________
An ELT Notebook
The DELTA Course
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads Replies
Please check out and apply NOW for YEAR 2009 Full time TEFL job announcement across K 0
Text Analysis for advanced students 2
Please check out and apply NOW for ASAP-Fall Full time job announcement across Korea 0
E2 visas in Korea require criminal background and health check 10
text book for one-to-one class? 8

Find the Best TEFL, TESL, TESOL & CELTA Certification Courses - User Submitted Ratings & Reviews for Online, Distance & Abroad TEFL Courses. Over 3,500 reviews of 100+ TEFL schools!

Teach English in Thailand - Onsite and Combined TEFL certification courses in Phuket, Thailand.


Free ESL Flashcards


Similar Threads Replies
Please check out and apply NOW for YEAR 2009 Full time TEFL job announcement across K 0
Text Analysis for advanced students 2
Please check out and apply NOW for ASAP-Fall Full time job announcement across Korea 0
E2 visas in Korea require criminal background and health check 10
text book for one-to-one class? 8


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:09 am.

All materials from this website are for classroom-use only. Digital redistribution of materials, in part or in whole, is strictly forbidden!

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2