[susan53]

My son is now thirteen and I brought him up bilingually from when he was born. I always spoke English, my husband Italian.

My son started speaking very late - at 3 he still only had about 18 words - though it was clear that he understood everything in both languages. I didn't worry as I'd heard that bilingual children were sometimes late starters (though not always - a lot of the literature denies this), and in fact when he finally started he zoomed through all the various stages of development in the blink of an eye, and within a few months was completely normal for his age group.

However, he was at an Italian nursery and our family language is Italian (my husband speaks very little English), so not surprisingly his preferred language was Italian and by 5 he still wasn't speaking English at all (though still understanding everything). We therefore decided to give him a year in an English speaking school (this was feasible as he could start in the English school at five but then transfer to the Italian system at six with all the other kids). In fact he stayed there and has done elementary and middle school there, though next year he's transferring to an Italian high school.

The result though is that he's now completely bilingual. There's still a little bit of interference - but nothing problematic. A certain amount is natural though, especially in the early years - don't panic the first time you hear I live here for five years or We lost the bus. My son was eleven before he really started sounding like a native speaker. Mixing of the two languages in one sentence or conversation is also natural - especially if the child knows you understand the other language.

Friends of mine in situations where both parents were English speakers (so that English was the family language) have had no problems at all though. The kids developed as bilingual speakers from the beginning, despite going to Italian schools throughout, and often transferred to British universities when they finally left school.

You're in the middle situation. What language do you normally speak with your wife? What language does she speak to your daughter? If she's always spoken Italian up to now it will be very difficult to change, even if she wants to - and personally I'd hate not to be able to speak to my son in my own language (though oddly, I find that when I want to tell him off, I automatically switch to Italian. Distancing myself??)

If you do have Italian as your family language, you may find that your daughter is like my son (though it doesn't always happen) and needs a bit of a push. Long holidays in the UK help, and the chance to mix with other English speaking kids (I always enrolled my son in the sports courses that the local council runs during the summer holidays). And lots of English videos, TV, computer games whatever.

A book I really recommend is The Bilingual Family: A Handbook for Parents: Edith Harding-Esch,Philip Riley It's very practical, written by people who are both linguists and bi-lingual parents, and extremely re-assuring. You can get it through Amazon. Also, if you type bilingual families into Google, you'll come up with loads of stuff.